Not To Be Dramatic But...

A tell all of every song on my first album, because I wrote all these songs in high school and why not.

I recently made the decision to take all my older work off of streaming platforms. I will be rerecording a bunch of the songs that still feel true to who I am, but unfortunately that won't include anything from my first album. To give it a proper send off, I've decided to tell you guys what all the songs are about!

If you wanna give the album a listen so you know what I'm talking about it can be found here:

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Easily Attached

This song is fairly self explanatory. In my youth, I was pretty boy crazy. Blame it on compulsory heterosexuality or blame it on my OCD, I was in love with any guy that talked to me. This song was written as sort of a tongue-in-cheek warning to anyone interested in me that I am, in fact, crazy. I do feel genuinely bad for some of the boys I liked in middle school, I kind of harassed some of them. "I'm easily attached and you're my latest obsession," but I changed it to "I'm easily attached and you're my latest attachment." Anyway, I'm a huge lesbian now.

What I Mean

Some people were very confused by this song, because the lyrics sort of imply that I'm evil, but this song wasn't written from my perspective. It actually wasn't really written from anyone's perspective. When I experienced my first heartbreak at 15, I was devastated, and I became convinced that this guy I liked was an evil mastermind that was intentionally trying to hurt me and ruin my life. As I got a little older and ended up being close friends with this guy, I realized he definetly wasn't evil. He was just a kid. More often than not, people have good intentions. The song What I Mean was written from the perspective of some non existent villanized version of the guy that broke my heart. It was written as a thought experiment more than anything, but I thought it was kind of a banger at the time so I released it. It's one of my favorites on the album.

Something Stupid

This song is so embarrassing. It's a song about wanting to have sex with a friend, or probably more realistically in this case, make out with a friend. Did I ever make out with the person I wrote this song about? Nah. Did a bunch of my closest friends make out with him? Yep! Gotta love high school!

ENOUGH

I wrote this song about my first girlfriend, she was lovely, and we weren't a good couple. We were both pretty shy and kind of awkward around each other. We dated for like 2 or 3 months my senior year and we only kissed like 3 times cause I was just too nervous to kiss her. In my defense, she was PRETTY. This song was just about how I knew I wasn't doing a good job at dating her. In the bridge when I say "Look at what's about to go down in flames, all the plans we made, all our numbered days," numbered days is a reference to our SNAPCHAT STREAK which is hilarious.

Fearless

This song was basically just woe is me over my first heartbreak, and also my second heartbreak cause I went back and edited it to apply to that one too. I find it funny that I've written so many songs being like "I'll never trust again!!!!!" which is never true, cause the second I like someone I'm convinced they're the love of my life. If you've heard this song, you may have noticed that the verses are terrible. That's cause when I went to record it I hadn't written the verses and basically just pressed record and said a whole lot of nothing.

Epic

This song is about a guy I dated. I wrote it after the first time we hung out and I couldn't tell if he was gay or not so I didn't kiss him. I should've known it wasn't gonna work out simply based on the fact that I wrote a song with a spelling bridge. If I ever do that again, I'm gonna take a long hard look at the relationship.

Superstar

Originally, I wrote the final lines of the chorus "You make me smile then you make me anxious, you drive me wild while I'm running in place, and you've got this style and all I've gotta say is who do you think you are being a superstar," about a girl in my grade that I felt very intimidated by. She was beautiful and talented and athletic, but above that she was CONFIDENT, which in high school was very unrelatable to me. I wanted to be confident so bad. It became a love song when a guy I had a mild crush on invited me to try to make barbecue flavored ice cream on Valentine's Day. If you're curious, it didn't taste good.

Can You Hear Me Now?

In high school, I was a very enthusiastic member of the choir and advanced vocal ensemble. There is a shocking amount of drama that happens in high school choir. I loved my choir director, she was by far my favorite teacher. She was pretty eccentric and for that reason, some people didn't have a lot of respect for her. There was a guy in my class that wanted to talk to our school's principal about his concern that our choir director had dementia (to get her fired). He was talking about it with a group of members of the advanced choir and I chimed in to state that the claim was ridiculous and my grandmother had dementia so I've seen it first hand, and he interrupted me. That pissed me off so I stormed off and wrote this song. Anyway, my choir director didn't have dementia. Me and that guy ended up being very good friends. Then he ghosted me. Played an uno reverse, I can't hear him now.

Portland

This song is about dreaming of leaving my hometown of Portland and moving somewhere like New York or Los Angelos. Just recently I did leave Portland, and where'd I end up? Some big fabulous city? Nope. Santa Rosa, California. I wrote this song with my boyfriend at the time and he played guitar on the track even after we broke up, that's why the guitar is so significantly better than the rest of the album.

Deja Vu

This song was written about when the guy that broke my heart was getting his heartbroken in a similar way and I, at the time, was ecstatic about that. Now, as a 25 year old, I think this song is so mean, especially because I was good friends with the guy. Also, fun fact, in the beginning when I say "I was talking to your friend last night," I'm referring to the guy I wrote Something Stupid about. That's right, guys, I'm a homie hopper. Though, I'm not sure it counts as a homie hopper when none of the homies want you.

Thirteen

This song is about being unsatisfied with the fact all your childhood dreams haven't come true and I still find it incredibly relatable. This song was always the least streamed song on the album when it was on streaming platforms and I think that's criminal, I actually really like this one. Justice for Thirteen.

Bad Idea

Bad Idea is about pursuing someone that you shouldn't pursue, and the anticipation of it all blowing up in your faces. It blew up in our faces like five business days after I wrote this song so at least I was right. This song is by far my favorite on the album, I love the outro.

So there you have it! the behind the scenes details of my first album and high school love life. I really considered putting pictures of me with all the different muses and censoring their faces, but I'm not THAT crazy. Anyway, if you went to high school with me and know who any of these songs are about, mind your business.